"Silence" and what it means to me... (and others).

This blog is meant for those curious to know the meaning of this song. I am all for each song meaning something different to any one person... However, not everyone else is all for such things. Rule #1 - if my definition of the song is different from what you thought it meant, let your definition be the correct one. I am hoping to answer some questions- and not destroy the lyrics of value. Rule #2- The songs I comprise sometimes take only minutes to write down - other times take hours and days. Credit should only given where credit can be due. There are some songs I was used for and intentionally created for to write. Rule #3- If you read this- even if you have told me- please comment as to what you think it means...

Background: I grew up believing that we all "hear" (or begin to assume) concepts or messages we draw from life's experiences. Some are praises from others, yet others unfortuneatley are the we fill in the blank style messages. Maybe we ask a question to a shooting star and nothing seems answered or resolved; so we assume the worst. Maybe we stare at the mirror disliking the reflection we see; and in turn "hear" that we are worthless. Whether the assumptions are true or not- 97 percent of the time they aren't true. However, we grew up; starting to let these messages sit and resonate in our brains... At least for me with similar messages- I did. Take note; Mom and dad and those who might be affected by this- the above two instances are just examples not neccesarily reflectant on my personal childhood. I fully believe these messages are interspersed in ones life regardless of the love that is present to comfort it. And I had a lot of LOVE growing up for which I am and was blessed. Sin still happens. Sad still happens.

I only am able to write songs the way I know how, and best am able to relate too. My hope in this is that in some way or form- my experiences or bits of my experiences have also been had by those listening.

For me the song is this. Really hard to define. I think based on what was said above, I wrote what I have come to learn in this life of mine. Silent times when I bought in or believed a lie. Spiritually speaking of course the devil wants to break everything we hold onto, and Jesus values us. However, I wanted more of a song focused on a story line. Is the boy me? It could be; however; though I am extremely blessed with an incredible wife, and a truly supportive and loving family. Life's journey naturally has bruises and scars. However, without the scars and bruises, we wouldn't, I wouldn't be who I am today. But I realize everyone's journey is different.
This song reminds me for my sake what to do. I guess part of my goal as well was to encourage those close to me also to "not let the silence speak in their life." Hoping they'd not buy into some of the pain that I ONCE did. (or human naturely could...) Life is life though truthfully, and only you can make of it what you will.

I hope this helps... Please comment your thoughts.

SILENCE written by Erik Sutten
Late in the night, a young boy watched the stars in the sky He made a wish and asked, "whats in store for my life?" The answer so silent, he believed nothing bright As the stars faded his dreams also died. Chorus: What you are is enough, no need to disguise Don't let the silence speak in your life. Hold on to the truth, and discard the lies. Deception unfolds when compared to what's right. A few years later the teen stumbled on a dream Asking, "Mirror mirror on the wall, what is it that you see?" It said, "I don't see elegance, or beauty fit for a king, I see a pauper so filthy and bleak." Chorus This grown man, saw his reflection on a stream and thought, What is this life I've lived, what happened to my dreams? I could have been successful, I could have been crowned the king, but I bought into the silence it's to late for me to dream. Chorus Late in the night a young boy watched the stars in the sky He made a wish and asked, "what's in store for my life?"His father turned to him, with hope gleaming from his eyes and said, "Son you will accomplish many great things all your life."

Second Wildlife Sighting.... Near my apartment!!

I just wanted to take a few moments- and focus this blog on more of a happening than multiple happenings or something artistically driven... The first wildlife sighting I ever saw- was a raccoon near the dumpsters of where at the time- My girlfriend Erin lived. We now reside in the same apartment complex- in a different unit... Today in broad daylight on my way to work... I saw an OPOSSUM! It was rather scary looking- and I couldn't take a camera phone picture- I think my big beast of a car had scared it...

In other news, 10 weeks today on not really hearing anything... 1-3 to go. (hopefully!!!!). Still we both work for the same jobs... Though I look forward to change... Even though sometimes, change is hard. Hope all is well to those who read this- and even to those that don't.

Thank you, to James Coral.

Sometimes on my Tuesday and Wednesday morning commutes, I have the most random thoughts come to mind. I was thinking about how if I was unable to see how God brought me from uncertainty to understanding, how would I know what to look for in the future? The random thought of my day, begins with me remembering my Driver's Ed Instructor James Coral. Always in his full athletic water resistent attire, with an apple eaten to the core. One time on a night where I got to drive, I was turning right at a three way intersection. Little did I notice that when my light turned green, so did the walk signal for pedestrians. James immediately slammed on his extra brake. Everyone in the car experienced the dreaded feeling of the seatbelt tightening up for what's only seconds but feels like 20 minutes. I am sure that he swore or leaned over, his outfit crinkling, saying something like, "CAN'T YOU SEE THEM?!" This was the day I learned to always look both ways. Ok, maybe not really, but at least a reminder.

So here I was, pondering, and driving along the morning commute. Noticing how, I have completely come to take driving for granted. Its something I know. It's something I am reletively good at. Despite my occasional lack of depth perception, or rainstorm that causes a girl in a cross walk to be invisible and then cuss at me. I remembered how I used to fear the thought of freeway driving, let alone merging. How I used to hate with a passion, parallel parking amidst parking cones. (R.IP. Little orange domes.) Yet, now I merge now with the greatest of ease. I look both ways when pulling out into oncomming traffic and three way stops. I let my wife parallel park or walk me thru step by step each time on how to do it. I have grown. I have experienced the greatness of learning how to better do something I had never done before I was 15. Though, when I was younger, I often would get to sit on my dad's lap, and steer through the neighborhood.

If I am unable to recognize how even in the small rediculous things like driving a car; that God has brought me thru that time. How, will I know to see Him present in the harder life lessons I experience today? In the tough goodbye of a dear friend moving to California to rock seminary school. In the complete patience needed in waiting to hear from a bank about an offer placed on a house. In the occasional challenges of marriage. In knowing that, though I wish to not work here, He has a reason beyond me, for having me work here. Thanks to the memory of James Coral, I think I will start paying more attention for each corner that I am turning.

Oh, and I could have called this blog, "I got my permit from the Most High." (I pictured it - as a line from a rap song, sung by a white rapper.)

Facing a Fog...

I had a morning drive to which I felt was somewhat symbolic. I know only 2-3 read this but bare with my attempt to make sense. I started my car, and began the regular 4 minute defrosting process. As I began to head towards work, I was slightly surprised by the amount of existent morning fog. Sometimes fogs can cause you to take extra caution. sometimes they are impossible to navigate safely thru, and sometimes, all you have is the White "safety/shoulder" line. This particular fog, was not the worst I have ever experienced. But I began to think about how- I am sort of in a Foggy stage of my life right now. (I can't speak for Erin; though she may also feel this way.) Its not always a negative when life is foggy. Its usually just a time to use caution, move carefully, focus on the "white line", make no rash choices etc. I thought to myself, this is somewhat ironic... Because here I am, attempting to look into my life, my financial place, my home/future home, career, life goals etc. Its all unknown possibilities. My desire is to push thru the unknown/fog. To get to clarity. To get where I need to be. When in all reality; I can't really do anything more then focus on the "white line" or Jesus. Some of you may believe differently, but I believe that its all His plan anyway. He is in control, whether I choose to act on that or not, whether I choose to believe in all circumstance or not. He is a continuous white line that provides safety, peace, comfort, security, and most of all a direction to follow. So though I may not know where I will be living, what I will be making, or where I will be working in even a year from now, He does. I just have to focus on HIM first. (then my wife, family, friends, etc.) All other things will come in His time. For some reason this is all so easy for me to forget. And even as I write, I am in no way close to perfecting this release of control or trust in Him. But I do thank God for his gentle reminder with the Fog this morning.

Hello, Hi, How's it going?, Holler...
(There hopefully all those salutations add up to the one's I have missed the last few weeks.)
Lots of things happening in the world and brain of Mr. E. (and Mrs. Too!) We are looking at the possibility of buying our first home. We were shocked in the amount it would most likely cost - if we got it at its full sale price. Luckily, if some circumstances taper out- we hope to make an offer for less than the full sale price. I am still on the job hunt. Via Craigs list, Kaiser Permanente, and Jobdango, I have probably submitted over 200 cover letter's and resume's over the last 6 months. Though I am blessed to have an income, and work, I just feel like I need to find something better. The myth that some males believe is that- they are defined by their work. True or not- it applies to this desire I have to succeed and be in a comfortable, supportive, advancing, and proffessional career. This jobhunt is one circumstance we wait upon in making our first offer. My car very well may on CAHOOTZ (SP). Jiffy Lube though not fully trustworthy mentioned a blown head gasket. My cousin Dan and I will be C.S.I'ing my car in a few days. However, if we buy a house, the likelihood of me affording a newer car, and selling this one- are slim... Money may be somewhat tight per month. Marriage is great. Yes, there are times where we are both frustrated, or times when we are at a loss for words. But there are also times, where we connect so well, where we love to just be with each other etc. It balances out. I think thats what Love is. Love is balanced. We have lots of dreams, lots of thoughts about the future, and lots of goals we hope to accomplish. As she knows so well, and moreso than me, we only are promised today. I get stuck so much trying to plan the future out, trying to understand and know how each situation will end. The reality is, in most if not all of the situations, I am the one with least amount of power or control. Change is about. Whether a stormy season, or a season of "Fall", its coming. Circumstances are due to change, our lifestyle is possible to change, Friends are moving, Jobs may be switching, yet all in all- HE is in control.

An Eye On The Storm...

A somewhat typical morning as we arose after gracefully sleeping in... (which at this point in the story - we have not yet "become arosed"...) Erin returned from round one of prepping the boys for the day, getting them breakfast, and then dropping them off at their school. We had originally planned upon her return to go to the gym together. (Around 9ish now....) Upon her arrival, as I was eagerly awaiting came the opening of the door, and a giant yawn. So we did what any somewhat newly wed couple would do. We napped! It was pretty nice. About an hour or so later- we "awoke gracefully", her having a haircut scheduled. So she went off to do her thing. I decided to watch another episode of my current DVD SEASON craving- HOUSE Season 2. Towards the end of the episode- I heard a distantly loud and lingering thunder. My skin perked- if that's even possible- as I anticipated a possible thunderstorm and perhaps power outage. Which on the side I love! Moments later- Erin called on her way home from the haircutting place of choice, and said, "Quick, turn on the T.V. and turn to a news channel!" I immediately asked, "Why...?" She responded, "Because a Tornado just passed thru downtown Vancouver!!" (Noting- that the exclamaition point is not anger, but was inserted to express excitement and curiousity.) And so of course I did do just that. As my wifey made it home safely from a few blocks away I was completely thankful! Though we weren't holding onto each other with our dear lives, with nothing but a Belt tied to a pipe deep in the ground... I enjoyed spending time with my favorite wifey, having an eye on the storm. She is my best friend, my rock, and my inspiration. Whom by the way, has an amazingly HOT haircut! 143 forever.

The White Trash Christmas Party Recap

So the party ended up being a blast! Erin and I, enjoyed our evening, as we had never seen so much food! (just kidding.) We gave away door prizes, and Strip Poker winner prizes... Everyone that ended up coming - actually won something. We switched from horrible christmas music- like the singing cats, "Walkin' Round in Woman's Underwear" - (a spoof of Winter Wonderland), and of course "Holiday" by Madonna... To the oldschool Super Mario Cartoon/Show- with the cheesy real people skits in the beginning of each episode. This one entitled, "Koopa Claus". There was a fire pit- outside- and pabst, food, warmth, and strip poker on the inside. Here are some pictures...